Of Love and Vampires - Sucking the 'real' out of relationships

I have not dropped off of the face of the planet, I just have not had a recent epiphany that has been worthy of immortalization on the internet. However, I know that I check my reading list several times a day to see if anyone has posted anything interesting. When people are not posting I am almost irritated with them for not contributing to my personal growth or sheer entertainment. So when thinking along those lines I realize that there might be some people out there who are irritated with my failure to communicate and analyse my daily adventures. I can’t promise a great overall theme or thought today, but hey, at least it is something to read.

I went with a friend and her cousins to see a movie last night. Yes it was that horrible pop-culture vampire tripe that every tween is obsessing over. It was a lot better than the first one. And, I have to admit that there were parts of it that were good. However, in the last few hours I have been deconstructing the flick in my head and I think I have a few problems with it. I think this is exactly NOT the story we want our young women reading. I don’t say this because of the over-riding metaphor for sexual awakening, or because the dark supernatural elements offend my religious convictions (ha!) but because it is yet another story that sets our young girls on the wrong pathway about relationships and what a man should be.
If you read this series of books, or watch the films you will see that this teen relationship has a series of problems. It is incredibly intense because of the ‘trouble’ that surrounds this relationship. We are teaching our young girls that a real relationship is dangerous; that these relationships should be impossible in order to be fulfilling. Our girls will expect the dramatic gaze and the strong yet brooding protector. Our girls are being told that relationships should be hard and painful and at the end of it all you will get what you want. The more trouble it is, the better it is, and all you have to do is suffer though the angst and the guessing...and the guy leaving you because he is so...conflicted. Eventually if you suffer long enough the two of you will be together. (Yes I understand that this is a common plot and without these complications there would be no story and therefore no entertainment.)

Men/boys are not like this. Let me tell you that the opposite is true. A relationship that is dangerous is just that...dangerous. A boy/man that treats you badly for any reason...just treats you badly. A person who can’t give you everything you want or need in a relationship is just that. Suffering through it will not result in a fairytale ending. He will not change. If he leaves you...then he doesn’t want to be with you, or he has made the choice for some reason and you deserve better than that. Giant romantic gestures are gestures. They are not always indicative of actual love. Sometimes they are just indicative of someone wanting it to ‘look’ like love. All surface.

Now, to give you all some hope and so that you don’t think I am just jaded and don’t believe in romance I will tell you what the reality of a good relationship is. He is considerate. He is passionate about what he believes in, and he believes that you can do anything. He works with you, supports you in all you do. You are part of a team, not a secondary player in your own life. He brings home a purple fuzzy bunny because you like purple fuzzy things. He levels your WOW character while you are at work. Your relationship is equal parts him and you. He listens and can make breakfast out and a newspaper as romantic as a weekend away or flower petal pathways. I’m not saying that typical romantic gestures are not appreciated ...but they should not be expected – nor should they be overused. You do not NEED him to save you...but it sure is nice that he can carry heavy stuff. You may find yourself breathless with laughter, or love, but you won’t find yourself breathless because of the painful thing he just said. Here is the biggest point people: He is a part of your life, but he does not dominate your entire existence. You are able to be you, to have your interests, friends, likes and dislikes. I always like to think of it like you have two lives that merge well together. I feel like the women or young girls in these books focus so thoroughly on the guy and being with the guy, no matter what the odds, that these girls have nothing else. They are only the girlfriend or love interest of said leading man.

I am the lead in my own life. I am ecstatic to have found in my partner a leading man in his life. I’m glad that we get to be in the same movie together. I am also equally glad we don’t have the complications of vampiric family or werewolf friends with crushes on either of us. To those of you who have figured out the secret to the reality of relationships tell someone. To those who are waiting to find their co-star: Live your life for you, enjoy all you do – be adventurous. People who have the leading role in their own lives are not lonely people. They are fulfilled people. My mother always told me that you find who you are going to be with when you are not looking. It is a struggle to really understand that and stop making the story of your life about searching for someone else. I would suggest that once you have mastered that, the rest just falls into place.