Most of the female friends I have are hard on themselves. I'm not really surprised, people tend to attract people they have something in common with..and well, I'm hard on myself too. For example, I spend an awful lot of time worrying about the way I look. Call it vanity. That, after all, is what it really is.
I worry about my size and by extention my weight. I worry about my size to the point that I am concerned about the size of my head. That may seem really strange, but whatever body dysmorphic problem I have, it seems to focus on two places - my head/jaw and my butt. I admit that I practice taking pictures of myself to find the exact angle that my head does not look huge. (I am briefly reminded of a Mike Myers film...look at the size of his noggin...it's huge ) Seriously. Like most women I know, I worry about the size of my butt.
Lets talk about my butt for a minute. It is decidedly difficult to find pants that fit my butt well. But is that really my butt's issue...or is it the fact that very few clothing designers create pants made to flatter the curves of women who have ass-sets? I hear this complaint often. It seems that unless one is 16 years old and hipless, pants were not made for you. So, this again brings me to the idea that because sooo many women complain of this problem, and we spend only one or two years of our lives with the bodies of 16 year olds, my butt should be absolved of all charges.
After all, it does it's job. I can sit on in comfortably, it boogies well on a dancefloor, it looks somewhat sexy in lingiere..and it does all of the biological things that butts do. It has smooth soft skin...why would I complain about my butt. Seriously. Why would I let clothes make me feel bad about my unique physique - the physique that I have been told by people is attractive.
Now, perhaps these people are lying. I mean let's face it, all of us answer our friends and say, "what are you talking about, you look great.." or some other phrase when someone is being self-depricating. Do people really always look great? Or have we now desensitised ourselvess so much to the question that we can't answer it honestly? I am going to hope that it is really the case that everyone looks great. I was recently at a party where a woman was wearing a provocatively short skirt. She had fantastic legs...and a fantastic ass-set. In fact when she bent over or some wind caught her skirt you were able to see exactly how glorious her legs and rear were. I want to wear clothes with abandon...without worry...I want the confidence to claim my short skirt, show off my ass-sets and hold my head up proud. (Okay maybe not to that extreme...as I am a teacher and showing off my ass-sets is not appropriate - but a skirt above the knee...a swimsuit in public would be good steps)
I am 33 years old...and I look HOT. Seriously. I look at other people who are around my age and I think, wow I look awesome. I have a strong body. I have a curvy body. I have parts of my body that look better than some 16 year olds. I know how to dress my body for its best parts. I haven't had kids so I haven't had to deal with the body fallout from that...and I know from talking with friends of mine who are parents that you look at your body differently when you have children. I haven't had children, I might not ever have children. I need to feel good about my non-reproducing 30 some odd year physique and be proud.
I am not Jennifer Garner or Angelina Jolie. My livelihood does not rest upon my red carpet appearances. So, I should not feel that I have to work out 4 hours a day minimum and eat only raw foods. My living is made mainly from my brain...so I need to start working it out...and THINKING. So, I guess I even need to appreciate my big head which houses my big brain. Maybe I should take pictures that emphasize my enormous head...embrace it...own it...
Hey world this is my awesome big head.
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